bridesmaids

Having a bad headache as I am writing this right now.

Just like this, the management disussed among themselves and send me away. It is just so sad that we cannot have more control on our lives and where it leads us. We are not allowed to voice our opinions and to just follow orders blindly. Are we all so immune that we just expect people to listen and obey orders? 

I know I sound ambiguous but truth is, I am facing a dilemma here. I am displeased of the decision my bosses made to send me away. After thinking for whole 2 days, there are 2 ways to this matter.

Firstly, I can fight my bosses' decision and beg them not to send me away. I will pester them continuosly until they keep me. If they reject me, I will keep thinking of ways for them to not send me away. In short, I will be such a pain in the ass to my bosses.

Another way would be to just accept my bosses decision and get stuck in a place I dislike for 1 year. I will be bored, I won't get much holidays and I basically, would just learn to adapt to it, disregarding my job happiness. In short, I will just shut up and learn to be content.

After all my bitching and complaining, unfortunately I chose the latter. Everything feels so out of control now. Nothing is working the way I want it to and I am also constantly reminded that this is what life is. Although I am highly grateful for not being send to east Malaysia like how half of the pharmacists' population is, I am somehow not happy of my own job in KL.
 

I was watching, "Bridesmaids today on HBO. When the protagonist hit rock-bottom of her life, a friend told her to stop feeling sorry for herself and to fight back against life. And it struck me, am I not fighting hard enough for my life? Am I feeling so complacent with my life? Am I having just a pity-party for myself?

I have so many dreams and ambitions for my life but I am not doing anything about it. Part of me feels like there is nothing I can do, but yet part of me feels like I should do something. Does it make sense? I am forever having an internal struggle with myself.

Maybe the self-help section will "help". Because if I don't help myself, nobody else will. I wish I have more fighting spirit in myself though. I think it is time I try to gain some confidence and stand up for myself. If not, I will be constantly bullied.

This is probably going to be one of those rants that I will regret typing and will probably delete...