It seems like this sem, I have lost all motivation to do my thesis and also in my studies. Whenever I face my thesis, I feel like I have so many problems I don't know where to start. In the end, I just give up and refuse to face it. I have been procrastinating so long that I am now behind, not only in thesis work but I am also falling behind in my studies. With every passing day and 0% progress, the guilt just weigh on me so so much.
During these few days at home, I have spend a lot of time thinking. I realized I cannot run away and avoid anymore. If I continue like that, I might just fail this whole semester, or worst the whole course. I cannot allow myself to self-indulge anymore. I don't want to continue doing something that I will regret later on.
So, until my life gets back on track, I am going to take a hiatus from this blog. It is really difficult as I really like blogging and there has been so much happenings that I want to post about. But they will all have to wait. With every passing minute I spend online, it is less minutes for my studies.
I probably should not spend so much time on msn anymore. I sometimes say things that I regret. And sometimes I say things that I normally will not say to that person offline. Maybe I also should learn to protect myself from getting hurt.
Finally the song I have been waiting for is finally out. Really a fan of Brave Brothers. Their songs are really nice. And of course, Jay Park or Jaebeom from 2PM, my favourite group. The combination make up a great song.
But most of all, after reading the English translation, I feel like the lyrics are so much like my life now. Sometimes, I really feel like I cannot cope with everything - thesis, studies and now clinical week is starting soon. Sometimes, I also feel like crying because it's all so hard.
Then, there are the people. The fact that I can be such a hypocrite sometimes. I only talk, but do not practice what I preached. Sometimes I wish I don't care so much what people say...
So here is the MV to my current favourite song. Hopefully, after all those clouds in the sky, there will be sunshine after that.
English translation:
Please don't cry
I want you baby
I want to cry right now
I want to cry because of you
I want to cry because it's so hard
I want to smile like old times
I'm crying again
I'm crying right now
My real love, your lies
I'm so afraid, I'm so afraid
of time without you
Even though you made me cry, I gave you my all
I have no heart, nothing but a gaping hole
The night path is so dark, I'm afraid, I'm afraid
I can't see the future without you, I'm scared, I'm scared
I got you, baby girl
I love you, you're the one
I got you, baby girl
I don't need anything else
Please don't leave me
I want to cry right now
I want to cry because of you
I want to cry because it's so hard
I want to smile like old times
I'm crying again
I'm crying right now
My real love, your lies
I'm so afraid, I'm so afraid
of time without you
From the moment you left me, I no longer exist
My heart hurts so bad
Now that I'm alone, I wipe my tears with bare hands
You're where I'm supposed to be, I can never go anywhere else
Please stay by my side, without you, I can't be brave
I got you, baby girl
I love you, you're the one
I got you, baby girl
I don't need anything else
Stay by my side
I want to cry right now
I want to cry because of you
I want to cry because it's so hard
I want to smile like old times
I'm crying again
I'm crying right now
My real love, your lies
I'm so afraid, I'm so afraid
of time without you
I can't even tell you I love you, my throat chokes up
I just want you to come back, my girl
My heart is ripping apart
I only know just you
You're not coming back. You didn't come back
Don't you see me waiting for you right here?
I want to cry right now
I want to cry because of you
I want to cry because it's so hard
I want to smile like old times
I'm crying again
I'm crying right now
My real love, your lies
I'm so afraid, I'm so afraid
of time without you
Romanized lyrics:
na jigeum ulgo shipdan malya
neo ddaeme ulgo shipdan malya
himdeuleo ulgo shipdan malya
yeojeoncheoreom utgo shipdan malya
ddo dashi ulgo itdan malya
na ulgo itdan malya baby
nae ichin sarangi ni geochin barami
na duryeoweo na duryeoweo neo eobtneun shigani
nae modeungeoseul jweosseo nal ullineun neo
gaseume shimjangeun eobseo bbeong ddullin gumeong
bamgili neomu eoduweo nan duryeoweo na duryeoweo
neo eobshi miraega anboyeo na museoweo na museoweo
I got you baby girl
I love you, you're the one
I got you baby girl
na geu mu-eotdo pilyo eobseo ddeonajima
na jigeum ulgo shipdan malya
neo ddaeme ulgo shipdan malya
himdeuleo ulgo shipdan malya
yejeoncheoreom utgo shipdan malya
ddo dashi ulgo itdan malya
na ulgo itdan malya baby
na jichin sarangi ni geochin barami
na duryeoweo na duryeoweo neo eobtneun shigani
niga ddeonagan sunganbuteo naega eobseo gaseumi neomu apa
ije weroun nan hollo seulpeumui nunmul maensoneuro dakka
nan naega isseoya hal got dareundeneun jeoldaero gajireul mothae
jebal nae gyeote isseojweo neo eobshin nan yonggamhajido mothae
First up, big congrats to all my friends who are graduating this year. I am sorry I cannot make it to your convocations due to my packed schedule of classes. Finally, the day you all have been waiting for. All the best in your next embark;)
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Seriously, these two weeks have been a whirlwind for me. Almost every day I find myself going out until my impending notes are accumulating like mad. Since it is the new semester, there has been lots of orientation activities with the juniors. It is the last time we, as seniors, will get a chance to know our juniors. This year is definitely a great improvement compared to last year’s orientation. At least this year juniors can remember our names and vice versa.
There have been a lot of going out as well. Already I went out to watch four movies since coming back to UKM. Three of those, I went with coursemates. There have been a great deal of birthdays as well. So many that I am sorry if I forgot to wish anyone. Here are some photos I took of 2 birthdays I had a chance to be part of the celebration – Benjamin’s and Tze Im’s.
On a Friday, I went to a former VI classmate’s new house for his birthday. I think this is the first time I get invited for Ben’s birthday. It is also the year he graduated. For some who may have read “The Sun” newspaper might have spotted Ben on the front page. He has gotten the very prestigious Royal Degree Award from UM. Congrats Ben!!!
Anyway, I apologized for the lack of photos, including the group photo. Every time I am with the BF gang, I just end up talking more than taking photos. I hope someone will post the rest of the photos up soon. So here are some of the best ones I took:
Ben’s lovely birthday cupcakes. The pro thing about this is its uniqueness and the fact you don’t have to cut it as you can just pass the cupcakes around to each person. The con? The fact that you have to blow all around the cupcakes. Kekekeke. Ben was funny when his head went around blowing the candles. The cupcake was super yummy. Love love the icing;)
After some time of not able to watch movies due to my busy life in HUKM, it has been a full swing of watching lots of new movies since coming back to UKM. The first week itself, watched “Knight and Day” with Clara and Carolyn.
Last Monday, I went to the new shopping mall nearby Setapak – Wangsa Walk. Went there with Clara, Ganby and yS. First time going out with these 2 boys and they are really funny together. Like small kids. Boys will be boys, I supposed. Anyway, we watched “Sorcerer’s Apprentice” starring veteran Nicholas Cage and Jay Baruchel. Love the whole magic and fantasy aspect of the movie but I think the storyline is a little bland. Still, not bad for a Disney movie. Sugar and spice type of recipe for this movie.
During the weekends, I accompanied Mom to watch “Inception” at Leisure Mall. Rarely I have time to watch movies with my Mom since classes started. So I am glad that we finally had the chance to catch this flick. Overall, this is definitely my favourite movie of all time. It has a star-studded cast of some of my favourite actors – Leonardo Dicaprio, Ellen Page, Marion Cotillard and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (I miss him so much since seeing him on “Third Rock From The Sun” and “Ten Things I Hate About You”. The storyline is simply awesome. I love how Christopher Nolan manipulates the idea of dreams and design this whole system of extracting dreams and modifying it. How cool it would be to enter a dream with your friends. Must-watch movie especially to dreamers like me whose favourite hobby is sleeping;)
On Sunday night, after McD gathering with juniors, Clara, yS and me went to Wangsa Walk to catch Angelina Jolie’s new movie, “Salt”. I think she is a great actress although I disliked her for a while due to her relationship controversy. The first few minutes of the movie, I thought it was really dull and predictable. I mean, it’s not uncommon to see another cat-and-mouse chase movie. But after that, as the story unfolds that Evelyn Salt is not who we thought she was, I started to get pull into the movie. Overall, great action movie. Yup, watch it for the special effects, not really about the story. I am surprised at the end of the movie, it seems to me that Clara actually understood the movie more than yS did. Maybe I underestimated her at times;)
