You will realize lately, my posts are hardly about me. Well, no interesting updates about me sadly. I know my life is mundane. It's not that I don't go out. Just that even if I go out, it's to buy books and also to Setapak to get my new place looking homey.
Today something crappy happened. I wish I could blog about the situation here (and get feedback from others), just so I can feel better. Y’know, like some kind of writing therapy but mum’s the word. Private and confidential. And not because I want to.
Sometimes my big fat mouth has gotten me into trouble, well rarely, but undeniably. And I always feel the need to justify my actions. Until now, I just do not feel I am at fault for telling the truth. It is not like it’s gossip or made-believe, I just do not understand why people feel so uptight about the truth sometimes.
And then there is the issue about trust. Who exactly can we trust nowadays? Secrets are okay, if there is someone we can trust to share it with. I would hate to know that someone betrayed me with my secret.
Do I sound like I am contradicting myself here? That it is fine for people to keep my secret but wrong if people gets angry at me for blurting it out?
The truth is, I seriously do not think it is a secret when everyone knows except for just three people. And it is not even about them. So why can’t they know what we are saying when sooner or later, they are bound to find out? They are not small children, for heaven’s sake. They are young adults and they are definitely not dumb.
When I was an adolescent, I always thought my life was boring and I wanted drama. Excitement. Scandals. Gossip. Now as I become older, it occurs to me that drama just brings no benefit. No drama please. As boring as it sounds, I just want a peaceful and un-stressful life.
Then there is the issue of confidentiality. Secrets are deliciously evil. Fun to know them, even more fun to tell someone. But terribly awful when someone knows you told someone.
I don't know. I feel kinda bad for letting my tongue slipped out tonight. I did not know it will come to such consequences. Worst still, I have to keep something away from a good friend, who probably knows everything that is happening right under the nose.
The battle of my conscience. Crap.
Why can't life just be less complicating? Then again, life is simple, it is just us homo sapiens who make them complicating.