Monday, July 25, 2011

running from Fear

To organize my traveling posts more efficiently, I created a page of all my trips hoping that people might find it useful to plan their travel itineraries. It is under "Travel Chronicles".


I wanted to post something nice initially but I am just feeling nervous to actually type properly here.

The reason? UIA has already received their posting letter and for UKM, the letter will be due anytime in August.

There are still many documents to be sorted out but every time I looked at my file, I just get lots of butterflies in my stomach and feel sick.

I am so worried to death where they will send me. Whether I had made the right choices in my application. Where will I live? How will I go to work? Who am I going to live with? What if my housemates or roommates are rotten?

I realized this is a new chapter in my life now but I am just so afraid to face. So what do I do? I run from it. I keep procrastinating my documents in hope that I do not have to face it.

Feeling like hell right now and so stupid too. Of course, many people have to go through this. I just wish I have the courage to do so.

I have so many fears in life and I just wondered, how long more I am going to run away from them. It would be so much better for me to face those fears, I know, but can I?

I put this quote as my desktop background in hopes it will motivate me. But obviously...

You gain strength, confidence and courage 
By every experience in which you really
Stop to look Fear in the eye
Do the thing you think you cannot do

In happier news, I am keeping myself distracted by planning places to visit in Bangkok. Yes, I will be flying to Bangkok next week via Lufthansa. My first time on Lufthansa wtf. Actually, because it was on such short notice, the tickets to Bangkok via Air Asia became so damn expensive wtf. Even more expensive than my tickets to Taiwan. So, my aunt booked another airline instead, which was only slightly cheaper. I thought my mom will complain about how expensive the tickets were, but surprisingly she didn't say anything. Fortunately.

We will be staying with relatives there. I have not seen them in a decade, I think. My mom's and my aunt's cousin so yeah, distant relatives. Hopefully *crosses fingers* everything goes smoothly. We will also be going to Pattaya as well (sunblock checked...why do I keep visiting hot places? wtf). I am kinda excited as this is my second time to Bangkok and I am itching to do shopping. Not sure how much shopping I can do since my mom tells me I have been using too much money traveling this holidays and also, my mom is not exactly a big fan of my fashion adventures wtf.

But then again, after this trip, I will have to return to reality. My greatest nightmare. I hate you *** for not letting me have a say in my future workplace. This sucks.

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