Friday, May 09, 2008

the girl with the camera

Sometimes I think I am evil...and I hate myself whenever I am like that...

I know it is wrong of me for thinking like that but sometimes, I hate it when I am known as the girl with the camera. Now the thing is, I love taking photos, esp because since I have a blog, there is a place for me to post my fave pics and enjoy them. That is why I bring my camera with me everywhere I go, esp during special events and trips. The thing that I hate is, that everyone always, and I mean, always expect me to be their photographer. It is okay once or twice, but this always happen to me. Everyone always ask me to take pics OF them, not WITH them. This happens more frequently nowadays, since I bring my camera to UKM.

I know I sound like a selfish bitch but why I do not like becoming somebody's photographer is, a) I do not get paid, I do it absolutely FOC.

b) I take so many pics of other ppl that I sometimes forget to take pics of myself. At the end of the day, I wonder to myself, is this my camera or somebody else's? Coz all I see are pics of other ppl without me in them.

c) Already I am their photographer, then I am expected to send those pics to them online or save them into a cd. Ok, I don't mind if it is just a few pics, but we are talking a huge amount of pics. It is like I am running a photography service here. It can be annoying when I am in the middle of blogging my train of thoughts, when out popped a window, asking me to send pics after pics. After that, I totally forgot what I wanted to write and worst, I forgot which pic I send to them so I have to browse through the photos again. I mean, it is not that I don't want to send pics to them thru msn, it is just that sometimes, it is not an appropriate time, y'know? I am busy in the middle of something and instead of finishing it within an hour, I end up doing it for hours and hours bcoz I keep getting interrupted.

Whenever ppl ask me to send pics or burn them into a cd, I never declined, no matter what, and sometimes I blame myself for this. I put myself into a bad mood just because I never tell ppl how I actually feel. Even posting this makes me think twice. What if, after I post this, my friends will think that I am one calculative selfish bitch who only thinks about herself and not sympathize with those who do not have any camera?

I am not saying that you should NEVER ask me to send u pics or burn pics for you into a cd, I am not that evil. It is just that sometimes, when I declined to send you pics or tell you that I will do it another day for you, I hope that you do not get angry with me. The thing is, there are like a million and one things going on in my mind of things that I need to do and I just do not want to sacrifice any time to send pics and etc. Let me do my own things first, and allow me to do your things for you at my own pace and time.

I hate this feeling of being used, although I know ppl do not mean it. I guess I am just too sensitive. Sorry if I had offended anyone.

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